Late Sunday evening Adam “Gard Dogg” Gard testified before the Los DPs League of Robots. It was notable for two things: Adam is the first human being ever granted an audience with the LDPsLoR, and at 2 ½ hours it is the longest Adam has ever spoken.
He spoke about honor, friendship, and sportsmanship. But most of all he talked about the distress playing against Whiskey Kicks would bring him. It was a fiery and impassioned speech. At the conclusion of his speech the league conferred for no more than 20 seconds (come on they’re robots, they have like wifi and shit right?) and Luke Krall a.k.a. Luke Prime issued the following edict:
“Friendship does not compute”
While Adam was striking out at LoR HQ, across the globe in Culver City a different meeting was taking place. In the middle of their weekly fundraiser and “let’s spend time with orphans” meet-up, the Whiskey Kicks were listening to much the same speech. Since I was too choked up and emotional, Ryan Adams spoke for me about how it’s “messed up that they are forcing us to play against our friend and comrade, who if he wasn’t trying to convince his team he would be here with us helping this poor unfortunate orphans.” At the end of his speech there was stunned silence until the sound of one pair of hands clapping, then another, and still yet another until the entire bar was filled with raucous applause swept over the tiny Cozy Inn. Whiskey Kicks compassion had carried the day and the team has decided to forfeit rather than make brother face off against brother.
Whiskey Kick then went on to beat the orphans 8 games to 1 in flip-cup. Mother Superior Mary said that while the orphans are still quite terrible at flip-cup, she saw some things in their performance tonight to make her think they aren’t all completely useless.
Sure Whiskey wouldn’t be averse to playing Los DPs if it were in some kind of exhibition capacity but with peoples’ feelings on the line we just felt it would be better to cede the victory to the evil robots of Los DPs. If it helps their gears and motors keep spinning, we’re all for it. You see Whiskey Kick is compassionate to all creatures, be they man or machine.
I’m certain Dogtown Commish, and dirty pool player, SoCal Val won’t be pleased with this. I have it on good word she had paid some members of Los DPs in motor oil to “accidentally” peg some whiskey kickers. I guess you’ll have to try again next week Val. It shouldn’t be hard, we play team Kiki and I have it on good information that they are in fact lizard people from the Bilderberg Group sent to infiltrate Dogtown and turn us all into communists.
Also for your enjoyment here is a photo shoot of Adam and I having friend time. We do this about twice a week , to catch up and share our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Enjoy!!!
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